Tears down

The presentation day was the biggest day of my project. At the beginning of the preparation, I was nervous, especially when you have someone you are not comfortable with presenting at the same time… That was Satan’s trap, everyday I woke, he always tried to make me worry that person might did better than me. But the fact, deep inside my heart was telling me “it doesn’t matter if he is good or bad, you are on yours, focus on your stuff only, that’s all you need. And do it for the Lord.”

And my preparation went well through. On the presentation day, the Lord blessed me again, by sending a lot of people to support me. Almost the whole students went to my presentation, and helping me carrying models. Much more than I expected. (I never thought I would get that much supports from people be honest, and I thought I would just get it done. Quietly.) indeed the Lord was with me. Even my speech went smooth in a calming way as well. And I finally got a glimpse of the meaning of “doing for the Lord”. And the Lord loves me so much. I think this is how the trial finishes with little death, always something better than you can expected or thinking of.

Certainly when I was sitting in the train, thinking of these things, tears suddenly drop, it ended well, and lots good lessons learned. But still I love you Lord.

Dying Trust (a letter from myself to me)

I feel like writing something tonight, things had been stored inside of my heart for very long time now. To write a letter to myself is the best way of being honest to The Lord and myself.

From time to time, since I became a Christian, I have been gone through so many dying moments. Dying I mean mostly little death, but no less than a big death. From failure to failure, I did feel sad sometime, and sometimes even hated myself for doing such things or that. But does that change a thing? Not really! What I get out of it really was to ask myself if I ever trusted God who gives me strength?

That’s my problem, I was impatient, and I couldn’t wait til things happen the way I wanted, then I strew up things at the end. Why? Because I trusted myself instead of The Lord we talked about most of the time. At this moment, there is a voice in me telling me, Ben you really to give up everything and follow me, everything I mean everything, not to keep some parts of it for personal leisure. That’s hard. Really hard… I mean sometimes I do things just to make myself to look better in front of others, then I wasn’t doing it for The Lord. I totally ignored the purposes of living is to serve The Lord. Not to bring glory to myself, but to The Lord. Be honest, I am not good at this, and when I was writing these things, I realised how much I need The Lord, not to make me success, but for me to walk with Him by giving away everything I got which making me glorify myself.

I feel bad that in the past couple days, for the purpose of my self ambitions, I altered some data although there is a voice inside of me telling not to do it. I still did it, and I against The Lord, and harmed his love for me.

So I want to say a little prayer for myself to The Lord that to forgive me, and to change me, to help me understand more about doing things for the purpose of The Lord but not for any other purpose, and I will try my best to do it for The Lord. I don’t want to hide anything from myself to The Lord any more, wrong doing was wrong, no excuse. And I also pray that you will put more trials on me to grow me and help me to walk with you better.

A journey with a U in it

It has been a long journey in the last two or three months. All the stressful levels came into my project. But I certainly can yes without the help of God, nothing can be done. When I was in trouble, you always send people to help me, and get things done. Your grace will never stop.

It is nearly finishing soon. Too many people I should put a note on “Thank you.” To my parents, without your years of support, I will head nowhere, I love you all. And to people who prayed for me, help me, just way too many… too many.. I love you all, too. Heart melting moments.

deleted, and delete more…

Recently I downloaded lots apps on my iPad, which allowed me to catch up some tv shows. And I ended up doing nothing by just watching shows. So yesterday, I decided to delete those programs in order to get out of it. And I got some work done today. I guess sometimes we do need to cut off things, and move on, and keep focusing on things which we need to do.

#0 first of all, pray about it is very important, you can’t do this without God’s help.

#1 If your electronic devices make you distracting from what you should be doing, just switch them off, then you may get back on truck. Let you yes be yes, and no be no.

#2 Not everyone will respond “yes” to what you are after, so if there is a no, you know you need to move on. And do not wonder why. (sort of wasting time if you do)

#3 always be thankful, when we think about at the end of the day, there are a lot things we should be thankful for the day, or yesterday, days ago, or the day we were born, or even before then. It does helping us not to complain about things around us. Always be positive.

B

Time to slow down 2

As the previous article says, if we fast forward our life to get an end result, we certainly will miss out lots good things along the way. And sometimes, we realised God changed our plan from our busyness whatever our plans were. We might thought that as a curse for some reason we don’t succeed from our work. And the truth is, we won’t succeed from our work. If you think that’s just a little punishment from God, you probably would like to reconsider that.

In Jeremiah 29, The Lord commanded the exiles to build house and live in them, get married and having babies at the same place for 70 years. Would you think if The Lord asked you to stay at one Place for 70 years is a punishment? But The Lord’s intention is to ask the exiles to slow down, and start from doing something basic, take time to enjoy the creation The Lord made it, and mostly to take time to know God.

So The Lord is actually saying, “hey buddy, I will give you plenty of time to know me, maybe a whole life time? 70 years!!!” So slow down. In 29:11-14, The Lord made his intention clear:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares The Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares The Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. “

Let’s slow down and consider the purpose of the task we are doing, to get to know Him better through the progress rather than skipping steps. Recently, I bought a ice cream maker, and it makes tasty ice cream unless I follow the steps. Of course it starts with something basic like stirring eggs with sugars. I enjoyed the whole progress of making ice cream. But the ice cream is still rocking hard compare to what we get from the supermarket. Then I did the research why mine was hard, but commercial ones were soft, and I found some suggested solutions to improve for the next time. However, the point I want to make was, if I skipped some steps of making ice cream, firstly I wouldn’t know if I can still make the final product? And secondly, if things went wrong, I would have no clue which step I did wrong. Or I fast forward to the last step, which was eating ice cream… I wouldn’t know how and what ice cream was made of?

To seek God with our full heart is like learning making ice cream, it takes time. And we need to start with very basic things, to slow down, to appreciate His creation for us, to understand his plans for us. God is not looking for how much great things you have done on the earth, but simply our heart with full submission to Him.

Time to slow down 1

Caught a train with a friend together from Melbourne to Geelong. Somehow the train went on the wrong track after departed from Southern Cross station. I didn’t actually realise that, because I was quite tired Sunday afternoon usually. But my mate (I coincidently met him on the train) pointed out to me:” hey Ben, it’s Kensington station, we are on the way to Bendigo.” And an announcement from the speaker confirmed afterwards that the train went on the wrong track, and it’s returning back to Southern Cross to depart again.

So basically, our train to Geelong was 15 minutes behind schedule due to a short potential Bendigo trip. And once the train got on the right track, we waited for about another 5 mins before New Port Station due to some track work maintenance there. So we missed out the scheduled bus home, and planning on a different one. Due to AFL game dismiss, the main road was block for people to walk through, so we eventually missed out another bus home.

But the afternoon wasn’t bad at all, or I can say it’s one of the best I ever had. Indeed when things didn’t run as us scheduled, we became frustrated. But I am not kidding. Somehow, it makes me think about sometimes we focused too much on our own schedules, but the one Lord wants us to enjoy. It might take longer time, but he certainly wants us to enjoy the time. And when we run things under our own schedule, we forgot about the. Lord’s purposes for us. Myself for example, when I studied at the University of Melbourne, God made me through from one degree to Architecture, and got all the course plans worked out by the supervisor. But I didn’t follow that plan, all I did was to fast track the course, did more summer course to finish my course. Did I succeed on that? Not really. Although I did well for my summer subjects, I still failed one of the subjects during the normal semester.

When I sat on the train, it makes me thinking that God is in control of everything, and why I didn’t follow what he prepared for me? We want to get things done within our own schedule, or even fast tracking, but what can we do now? Sitting on the train and just waiting, or to enjoy every moment I suppose to?

Also I want to make a point that sometimes when I fast tracked things and to get them done, I did that for the purpose of ourselves, for our own wills, so we can get on to the next event quickly. As an oversea student, I don’t think God helped me change the course from Engineering to Architecture for the purpose of receiving Premium Residency in Australia, but to apply these skills to bring glory to God, to serve him better through our local communities and jobs. I admit that I did fast tracked things to get things done for my own purposes, rather to serve The Lord within his timing, because His timing is always right for me, and for you, too. If we forgot about Lord while fast tracking things, why not slow done and enjoy things The Lord already prepared for us?

P.S. It was a great time to spend on this journey with my mate. Of course we had extra time on chatting things which we don’t normally get.

A Little Thank You

Remembered a conversation I had with a man two years ago, after sharing my life stories, he said to me: “Ben, cherish everything you have been given by God!” Life is not about complaining, it is about praising everything God did in my life. Truly I have lots things to thank for. 

To my family, for raising me, and keep supporting me through this long journey, even though I went on many wrong paths with lots failures, you still support and encourage me to put me back on the right track. I know how hard this road is, and will be in the future, but I won’t give up. 

To my Scottish mentors, thank you for guiding me and encouraging me on trying new things, and no more baby feeding on me. Still remembered the first time I worked as an associate in the office, the very first day, how nervous I was, I just couldn’t believe everything I learned in school turns into real practices. And it was the first time by myself on doing real projects. 

To my dear brothers, you know who you are, thanks for every prayer you did for me, and keeping me accountable in my life. I want to tell you something: every little message you texted me, or left for me means a lot to me. Thank you for every chapter of my life.